Saturday, July 09, 2005

Something strange has happened

I know, when has something strange not happened. But this is, well, I don't know. Last Thursday night was one of the most wonderful, fun, compelling, emotional, beautiful, happy, relaxed, special... There just aren't enough superlatives to describe it. The last time I experienced the sheer joy and contentment was in February 2002. Those who know will understand this. For everyone else, let's just say it was beyond great. There are, however, a few unknown variables that are hanging over head like Damocles sword.

The biggest question is how did the whole thing happen? Thursday evening, about 6'ish, I was blindsided by a completely unexpected phone call from a very unexpected caller. It was a pleasant surprise in that the caller is someone special. Within a few minutes I found myself agreeing to a movie date. Ok, I'm thinking, this could be fun. A good movie (Mr. & Mrs. Smith, go see it!) followed by some food and drink or the like. She drove down here and I picked her up. We thought it would be easier in one car and hers was in a relatively safe place. So off we went to the movie. We both enjoyed it very much and left the theater in good spirits. I asked about getting something to eat or drink, but as the night was already upon us, I didn't think there'd be much time for anything. After all it was a work day. Boy was I wrong.

Color me blind when the reply was a suggestion to go to my house. I had no problem with that and decided to stop off and get some munchies. I needed gas anyway. I got some chips & dip, some bier and gas (over $20 to fill 9 gallons!!). Then off to my place. We sat and made smalltalk as we munched on chips and salsa. At some point, it was suggested that we watch a movie (The Last Samurai, go buy the DVD!). As the movie progressed it seemed that neither of us was really paying attention to it. I was asked to turn off the lights, one by one, until the lighting was of a "romantic" flavor. It was then asked if I had some romantic music. Now, my iTunes collection only has 1186 songs in it, most of which would not be categorized as romantic (can you say Metal?). I did come across some Candy Dulfer and put it on. You can probably see where this is going. All I'll say is that the next morning I took her back to her car. As I drove home I kept thinking how purely happy I was that this had come about. But again how did it come about?

Right now I am in the position of having many questions with no answers. Did I just get myself into a relationship? Was it just something that happened? Was it just a one time thing? What comes next? Will there even be a next? But the biggest question lies not in the immediate questions but in a deeper, older one. See, we have known each other for a tad over 2 years. We started as friends in the summer of 2003. Friends with potential but that fell through for reasons I can't remember. Then in the summer of 2004 I was surprised by an email asking if we might try it again. Unfortunately that was a bad year for both of us. We would end up in what appeared to me to be a misalignment. We weren't compatible and we both felt that the other was just not quite the right person for ourselves. Of course the language issue didn't help at all. Yet we would still remaining friends. This is where things were when I got the phone call. Something changed that led to the call. There are a few things I know of that happened which were potentially life altering in nature. Maybe part of what happened the other day is related to that. But in reality, I have no clue what's going on. Why should this be different.

I seem to be clueless about so many things in life these days. Hopefully we will have a chance to get together and figure out at least some of what's going on. Until then I just need to keep doing what I'm doing and hope that someday someone will shine a little light out there and I'll get a glimpse of whatever the heck is going on. But I'll probably just be left in the dark... Swinging in the wind... Flapping in the breeze... Floating on the tide... Drifting at sea... Just plain lost.


  1. Friggin' techies... :)

    Just let it happen, whatever "it" is, and don't think about it. Thinking makes things complicated, and your life is complicated enough as is. If something's going to happen with this person, it's going to happen without whitepapers being written about it, or mysticism, or psychoanalysis, or... Well, you get the idea.

  2. Damn, man. See why you're a hero to me? It took me three or four days of beating my head and reading some very good info on the psychology of dating to come to the same conclusion. Though a whitepaper would be great.