Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Stuck in the mud

Last night I went to a dog-and-pony show for potential employment with Primerica. The atmosphere seemed a little to "Rah Rah" for me but they did something I hadn't expected... They actually explained everything that is involved. Usually this kind of thing is just two hours of people telling how great the program is and how many millions they made. No actual discussion of what the actual work is are done until after you sign up (with suitable sign up fee paid up front, of course). The work isn't quite what I prefer in that it involves talking to and dealing with regular humans, i.e. people. Don't get me wrong, I like people. I'm usually quite outgoing, some might say gregarious. The problem is that I talk to much. For a job that does recruiting and sales you need to stay on topic and keep things focused. These are not two of my strong points.

Another worry is how will my disability impact this role? It won't actually impede my ability to do the job. I just sit and talk. The gray area is how it will affect my disability benefits status. Two big points about this are that I can not work full-time hours and I can't make more than a hair over $40K/yr. The way the Primerica job works is that you offer people financial services, life insurance, investment, ect., but you also recruit more people into the "family." These people will then do their selling and recruiting but every time they do sell or recruit you get a kind of handler's bonus. So the more people you bring into the system the more money you make without actually doing anything. This level can only be attained by full-time employees. To keep my benefits I can't get to this level. I will always be at the bottom of the pile. This still has the potential of allowing em to make the $40K in a couple of weeks. Work 20 to 40 hours a year and I'd be set. Sounds good. But I don't know if I'd be happy doing this kind of work.

Truly, I am happiest and at my best hacking something for someone. I know, I know... I should be hacking on some open source project and then just work to pay the bills. There seems to be something blocking me from doing this. Something mental. I try and dig into my head and figure it out but it's slippery and keeps getting away. So I spend my life going nowhere. Stuck in the mud. I need to figure out how to get unstuck. I wonder...

Writing all of this up just gave me an idea. A direction to look. Hhmm... I shall ponder this a bit and see where it goes.

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