Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Benny & Joon and me

After a long time of seeing bits and pieces of this movie I have finally gotten the chance to watch it. First off, Johnny Depp rocks. His homage to Buster Keaton was wonderful. I think that if more people today could see Buster in his prime they'd realize what a treasure he was.

Anyway, Benny & Joon is a movie that anyone who has a "complicated" life should see. If they did they'd realize that everything isn't all that harrowing. Life isn't a zero sum game. He who dies with the most toys doesn't win.

This movie also shows me just how far away I am from being Sam, or even Joon. I'm exactly one 8 year old boy away from it. I was talking to mum yesterday and we both know and understand that I should not be let out into the world alone. Oh, I can function. I'm not going to be disturbing the grand order of things. But I'm just not in sync with this reality. Not completely anyway. See, there's to much noise in this existence. To much commotion and bedlam and chaos. All things that distract us from the truth. Sam knew the truth. He knew what it was and is that he should be and how he should be.

The truth is that life is about giving. It's not about getting. Life is 90% giving and 10% getting. If you give and don't demand or expect something in return then you have found the key. The one thing Curly talked about in City Slickers.

It's not an easy thing to do. We're all bombarded with the images of greed and power. It's the only way we know how to measure the value of others. By these standards I am not worth very much. A fact that has been ingrained into me for the last 42 & 3/4 years. My insecurity and inferiority have become such a part of me that I couldn't get rid of them just as I couldn't get rid of my bones. But knowing is half the battle. At least that's what they say.

But I know that I'm still here. As long as I'm still breathing I will continue to do all that I am capable of for my son, even knowing that it might not be enough. It's all I got. It's all I can give.

No comments:

Post a Comment