Tuesday, August 23, 2005

On the rocks with a twist

It seems to me that I might be in a one sided relationship. Something lately seems to have struck a cord and the resonance frequency isn't right. The feeling is that while I may be her boyfriend she really isn't my girlfriend. OC, that could just be my oh-dark-thirty "you need to get some sleep there, boy" insecurities banging on the drums talking. Still, the feeling has been there for a few days now. There are a few ideas floating around in my head as to why this feeling has come up. I don't want to go into them now. Let's just say that I haven't figured out whether it's me or her. It really would help if we were a bit closer in culture and language. Most of the time I'm fine but there's those other times when I can't understand her. Where she's coming from and why she's doing what she's doing. Occasionally it's dead obvious what's wrong. But then there's the times when it's like I'm in a crystal ball and nothing I do or say or feel is even noticed by anyone outside. I don't know. Again, it's just probably the sleep deprivation talking. Hopefully I'll see her tomorrow and get a better feel for things.

Maybe I'm just not destined to have a wife and family. That would really suck.

3 comments:

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  2. Does comment spam EVER result in business? I have to wonder. It's so patently ridiculous that I'm surprised anyone even bothers.

    Anyway...

    I don't know about you, but to me all relationships feel one sided. Of course, the other participant usually feels the same way. That's just been my experience. I tend to see what I'm doing and not what she's doing so it seems I'm doing all the work. I chalk it up to being able to see inside my own mind. I can't see inside hers (and as you know, getting information out of many of today's women requires an Enigma, the ability to speak Navaho, and a Little Orphan Annie secret decoder ring. A ROT13 de-scrambler doesn't hurt either) so it appears that she's not active in the relationship.

    Your girlfriend seems very reserved. This could be cultural (that would be my guess). Nothing wrong with that. Just try to understand that y'all are different both in gender and in your upbringing and assume that you are probably only getting 20% of what's going through her mind. She may not look engaged but she may be obsessing quietly or perhaps is even a bit freaked out being in another relationship.

    All guesses. I have no idea what goes through anyone's head but my own so all I can do is guess.

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  3. Comment spam results in links which in turn result in higher placement on the search engines. I remember for a while there a few years ago there was this massive amount of comment spam by people who conspired to help their blogs get high rankings in Google. I believe that Google did a work around to help offset these idiots.

    Anyway...

    I can't remember who said it but someone said that in a relationship you put 90% into it and get 10% out of it. Both parties have to understand this and see that by doing the giving and not expecting or demanding compensation, the relationships will be strong and last. From my own experience, my parents were very much like that. They both put the other first, until us kids came. Then we were first but the other was a very close second. It seems that in my old age I am coming to see many things about my parents relationship. While no relationship can be perfect all the time, they had one that was good and strong. It weathered some very hard times but remained loving and happy up until... Well... You know.

    As for my girl... You insight is, as always, right on the button. We were able to spend some time together today (well, technically it would be yesterday, but semantics be damned) and talked a little about this. It is very much a cultural thing. Her upbringing was extremely and drastically different than mine. In our family, hugs and kisses and more hugs and kisses were the rule. I remember I stopped kissing my Dad when I turned 13 because "it just wasn't manly." That lasted all of, what, 7 or 8 years. And now my son has to deal with the Kiss Monster all the time. And no, that has nothing to do with Gene Simmons (who has his own web site, by the way). Whenever my sons face comes close to mine I just have to kiss his cheek.

    Ok, I lost my track again. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, the differences in relationships. Specifically mine. So, what've we come up with so far? There's a HUGE cultural divide between us, though it's not so big we can't cross it. She said she's my girlfriend and like to do the holding hands and hugging stuff. I will never know 0.5% of what's going on in her mind as she still thinks in Chinese. And it would be cool if she obsessed a little over me. ;-)

    As I see it, the only critical problem we may have is in the way of child rearing. But I believe that can be worked around, too.

    What can I say? As my mother has oft' commented, "Peter Pan has nothing on me."

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