Saturday, August 13, 2005

What to do?

Things here haven't been that well since I was canned. The debt collectors are calling and I just don't have anything to give them. The job outlook is bleak at best. It looks like there's going to be some major life changes happening around here soon.

One of the things that my mother has mentioned is for her to move in with us. This is a good idea, I think. But the house I'm in now isn't really big enough. With some very tight maneuvering I think I can get the computers out of the third bedroom. She has been looking for a place in the area that we could rent, or even maybe buy, but there's nothing that we can afford together with me not having a job. One other suggestion would be to move out to the west into the panhandle. It'd be about four or five hours away from where we are now. Houses there are going for $80K! The dinky little place I'm in now is valued at somewhere around $320K. If she and I move out there we could live on our retirement pay and not worry about me having to get a job in order for us to survive. Additionally, the word is that the tech firms in the Research Triangle area of NC are moving up here due to the high cost of real estate there. I could find a job doing consulting or something, just to keep busy and make some extra dough. I like the idea, really, but it would mean changing the custody arrangement again. We'd have to do something like having him spend all the school year with me then all of the summer with her. No alternating weekends. I don't like the idea of him being gone from me for 3 months. I couldn't take it the 4 weeks when I was in PA.

So the options come down to this;
  • stay here, move mum in and try to shoehorn everything into this place hoping a job comes along
  • move to the panhandle where the financial problems will be negated by the much lower cost of living but not have my son for 3 months a year
Neither sounds ideal.

But there's one more thing about moving way out. I'm becoming so much of a hermit lately that I don't want to be around any people. Exceptions being family and my lady. But that's not really likely to go anywhere. She may have found some feelings for me but in the end I don't think I'm the guy she wants/needs in her life. Moving out to BFE will probably cause me to become even less social than I am now (though that's hard to imagine). Even with everything against me I still want to have a wife and family. I have no problem with mum living with me, it's much more natural in European cultures than here in the States. If my dad were still here...

Oh, man, don't start down that path. It's been, what, five years and seven months since he passed. I can't help thinking that if he were still here my mother and I wouldn't be in this mess. I miss him so much.

Anyway, that's the sich! What to do, what to do.


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  2. G'day Mate. We were sort of in the same position as you. But let me make some recommendations. Sell your house NOW before the bottom drops out of the US market. It wont be worth $320,000 for very long (it may still go up before the plunge but I doubt it - check the house pricing stats) and then take a year or so off (you dont need to do you?) and build the house yourself it isnt as hard as it sounds. We couldn't do a string line and we have got this far - This isn't one of those pleas for visitors(see above comment) but hopefully some advice that may help you out.

  3. I'm going to start blocking anonymous posts if this keeps up.

  4. Colin - Unfortunately the house I live in is a rental. The house I owned was foreclosed on by the bank in 2001, just after the bankruptcy caused by the divorce. That's when I was homeless for 8 months. Right now I have no assets and little income compounded by the fact that I will likely never find work.

    I'd love to build a house to spec. One of the first thing I'd do is have urinals in the bathrooms. I'd make sure that there was Cat-5E throughout and connection sockets in every room. Yes, I'd have wireless, but a good old fashioned hard-link into the network is still a good thing to have handy.

    If I could find a wife it would make things better but what woman wold want to marry a crippled old fat man with no job and a young child? Heh, I'm sure I could "find" a bride in Russia or Thailand or the Philippians but I don't have the money to get one.

  5. I gotta be honest with you... There's what you want, and then there's what you need. The idea of not having a home but being nearer the kid doesn't sound equal to having a home/stability but being away from him for 3 months. I know both would suck, but the latter sounds like a much better long term setup not only for you but also for your mother.

    And I suspect a lot of the stress that you carry with you will subside at least a little bit when you no longer have to worry 24/7 about the roof over your head.

    Your situation is truly unique. The one thing that seems to be keeping you from a better, more stable existence is proximity to your son. I'm not in your situation so I can't know all the baggage that goes along with this kind of a decision, but it seems to me (from over 2,000 miles away) that you need to be stable FOR him. If the price to pay is being away for 3 months a year, that would seem to be a difficult but nonetheless sensible choice. Again, that's me talking, the guy who doesn't have a kid to consider when moving.

    It just sounds like it's that or being close to him with the risk of becoming homeless/penniless (as well as put your mother in a bind. She needs your assistance as well, unless I'm mistaken). In my view, if the latter comes true, everyone loses.

  6. > There's what you want, and then there's what you need.

    Wasn't that a Stone's song?

    Your insights are, as always, quite keen. I'm not particularly into moving out to the boondocks but Mum, I think, wouldn't mind it. However, we have come up with a potential solution for this situation. I'm going to close my bank account and put all my money into hers. She'll do the financial management and we'll have our combined incomes to work with. The only thing she's paying for at the boys is food so this might work out well. She can stay in the place she's become accustom to and we will continue to have a roof and all the other things that go along with a house. The only thing I think that would be good is for her to get out of the boys house. They need to get their act together in an unsupported kinda way and she could use the rest. Living with the boys is not easy and can be very wearing at times.

    On a bright note I finally got my taxes done for 2004. I get a $12 refund this year. Not like 2003 when I owed $3500. Just gotta remember to drop the damned thing in the mail tomorrow.