Thursday, August 31, 2006

Sleepless in VA

Another night awake. It's getting monotonous. I'm tired as hell but I can't get to sleep. Maybe something is bothering me subconsciously. Who knows. Anyway, let's see what random things come wafting through that great empty space between my ears.

How about, let's talk about porn. Well, not really port but the gawd awful shoes that the women seem to wear all the time. Is it really sexy to see an woman on platforms that are ridiculously high? We're talking about shoes with 4 or 5 inch platforms and 10 or more inch heals. They look really stupid and clownish, in my opinion. I'd like to find the person who came up with the idea and slap them silly for it.

What else... I've been playing Black for a few weeks now. Man, that is one good game. It's hard as hell, even on the easy level. I'm on the last section of the last mission in Normal mode. There's a Hard mode after this then there's "Black Ops" mode. Yeah, I know, but it's still cool. Somehow I am going to get Ace Combat 5 and Ace Combat Zero in the near future. At least as soon as I can rob a bank or something.

My son has two sleepovers recently. The next door neighbor kid we've known for, what, 6 or 7 years at least, and a friend of his from his last school. It's great having other kids around for him to play with. School starts next Monday; or is it Tuesday. I can't remember. Anyway we need to find the bus schedule and coordinate the rest of the whole "going to school" routine. The hardest part is going to be getting him to wake up in the morning. No, strike that. The hardest thing is going to be getting me up in the morning. But it will be nice to get back to a schedule again.

Went to the pool for what will probably be the last time this summer. Got more sunburn to add to that which I had already gotten. I haven't been out in the, well, outside, so much in a long, long time. My tan is not to shabby, though I'm still quite pale compared to what I was when I was younger. It's hard to believe but I have been mistaken as a black guy on one or two occasions back in the day, With my hair short and from the back I was extremely dark. Only my sister was ever darker. We used to never get sunburn no matter how long we were in the sun. Well, my youngest brother did get burned sometimes as he has the fairest skin tone of the kids. OC, if I were to shave I'd have half my face quite bronzed and the other half pale. I bet it'd be a funny sight.

I better be getting to bed now. It;s far to late for me to be up and I am really tired. Hopefully I can get to sleep now.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Let Bogons Be Bogons: A Nightmare from ISP Hell || kuro5hin.org

Let Bogons Be Bogons: A Nightmare from ISP Hell || kuro5hin.org: "We carefully planned the move for 6 months and brought our customers into the planning process. So we sent out an RFP, awarded the bid and began the process. What followed was to become a disaster. It was the 'perfect storm' for an ISP failure."

This is a fun little story of what it's like to be a techie in the world of the internet. It's not an uncommon situation, though the actual problem will usually be something different every time. The very nature of the 'Net precludes anything like our telephone system; where you just pick up the phone and dial. Will Net Neutrality bring us closer or send us farther from "Webtone?" $DEITY only knows.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Linux-based HandyPC to challenge Nokia Communicator | Reg Hardware

Linux-based HandyPC to challenge Nokia Communicator | Reg Hardware: "German phone maker Road has announced its answer to Nokia's Communicator. Dubbed the HandyPC, the phone-computer combo is based on the Linux operating system and Trolltech's Qtopia GUI. It's a quad-band GSM/GPRS/EDGE device with Wi-Fi and Bluetooth on board too."

If anyone wants to know what I want for my birthday this is it. If you can't get that I have a wishlists on Think Geek and Nerdbooks that would suffice nicely.

Relationships, an historical perspective

I just ran into (online, that is) my very first girlfriend the other day. I hadn't seen or heard from her in 25 years. It got me thinking, though, of all the girlfriends and relationships I've had over the years. Don't worry, though. This won't be a very long post so feel free to keep reading E-man.

I was a senior in high school (class of '80) and she was a freshman, though we were only 2 years apart in age. Man, all the memories and feelings came flooding back like a ton of brick fell on my head. We had a very, uhm, tumultuous relationship. Many highs and lows. We were both so young it's just amazing. She had some issues (heh, "issues"; that's like calling the Grand Canyon a little ditch) which were hammering her life while I was just starting to clime out of the pit of worthlessness. The faint embers of confidence and self-assuredness (I know, that's not a real word) were just beginning to come to life. Unfortunately I was in no way ready to deal with a girlfriend, let along one who had a few things to deal with. Man, I have to tell you that the highs were spectacular. And so were the lows. Crash 'n' burn doesn't begin to describe it. But I hold no ill feelings towards her now. It took a while but now I remember her with a fondness I can't describe. She was my first real girlfriend. My first love; my first lover.

She wasn't my first kiss, though. That was a girl I met while working a summer hire job in '78. It was a magical time that lasted so short but seemed so long. We worked at a furniture reupholstering place doing chairs and mattresses and stuff. The day would be made up of doing some work in the mornings, making out in the stairwell over lunch then goofing around with the handful of other summer hires in the afternoon. When school started I wanted to keep it going but she couldn't handle the "stigma" of dating a white boy. But man, I learned how to kiss that summer.

After high school I kinda sorta almost went to university. Well, I was enrolled but I didn't do that whole class thing very well. The next girl I was with was when I went for one semester here in the states during the fall of '81. My sister and I came here to a very small collage in southwestern PA while the rest of the family stayed back home in Germany. I met a girl there and we kinda did things together. No real sex, just lots of making out. You have to remember that in those days making out was limited to 1st base, 2nd base & occasionally 3rd base. Oral sex wasn't as blasé as it is today. This was just something to pass the time with, I suppose.

We came back home for Christmas and went back to school there. The University of Maryland had a branch campus in Munich back then to help with the transition from going to school in Europe to University in the States. There I met another girl. This one was my second real love. We didn't really have much in common but the sex was great and the companionship was really nice. This lasted until summer. But once we were back home she found that what she wanted in her life and future didn't include me. I took it hard for a while but I lived through it. Now what I remember of her is her kind heart and long hair. She was only 2 inches shorter than I with hair that reached all the way down past her waist.

By now I was 19 and started in the "work force." During the next 6 or 7 years I met a number of different women, a few that I had sex with, but nothing that could be called a relationship. Being in your early 20's in the 1980's in Germany was a fun time. Lots of places to go and hang out or dance. My favorite place for a few years was a rock club called the Green Goose. They played a mix of rock and metal and everyone just had a blast. Sometimes, when I was alone in my room or driving home at oh-dark-thirty, I'd feel quite lonely. But that usually didn't last for long. I had friends and family and the occasional 4 or 5 hours smoakin' hash.

By the end of the 80's we all moved here to the States and it wasn't long after that when I met my ex-wife. We kinda dated for a year and a half then got married. From there it was all just fine and dandy; bought a house, had a kid, did the whole married family thing. That lasted a good while, until I became disabled and she left me. Blah, blah, blah.

After that there came this nice lady here who was very interesting. She was into all that B&D/S&M stuff, but I wasn't. She said she liked being with me because I was so vanilla. We were, what she called, "Fuck Buddies." We'd been, as the kids say these days, hooking up for about 5 years or so. A couple of months ago she dropped off the radar; can't reach her at work or at home or via email. I'm hoping she's ok.

The last pseudo-relationship was the Thai girl I came close to marrying. That had some very good potential but just wasn't meant to be, I guess. You can read all about it at my original diary on K5 - http://www.kuro5hin.org/user/X-Nc/diary.

The reason I felt like doing this retrospective is that it seems the line of women I'll be with or have a relationship with has finally ended. There's little hope of any woman wanting to be with someone they have to take care of and who doesn't make lots of money. So now I'm celibate. Hell, I can't even afford a $20 hooker.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Internet's pilot bandit strikes again

Internet's pilot bandit strikes again - Yahoo! News: "The emergence of 'Handsome' marks the second known TV pilot left over from the 2005-06 development season to resurrect itself from unknown auspices. 'Nobody's Watching,' a comedy rejected by WB Network, resurfaced on YouTube last month, and generated enough buzz to prompt producer NBC Universal to pick up the series."

Here we see another of the concrete examples of file sharing doing the exact opposite of what Big Media claims it does. Everyone involved with 'Nobody's Watching' and NBC should find the 'leak' and buy them a house or something.

Why is it so hard for people it use common sense in this world?

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Fighting in Sri Lanka worsens; 128 dead

AP Wire | 08/02/2006 | Fighting in Sri Lanka worsens; 128 dead: "COLOMBO, Sri Lanka - Government troops and Tamil Tiger rebels engaged in heavy fighting around a key northeastern port Wednesday, with Sri Lanka's Defense Ministry claiming its forces killed 40 insurgents and wounded 70 others. Five government soldiers were reported killed."

Here's something that's just as important as the Middle East conflict yet you're lucky if you've even heard of Sri Lanka. There's even more places around the world where people are being killed; where people need help.

Aimlessly wandering through my thoughts

There are so many things I've been wanting to write about lately. I just can't seem to get up the gumption to sit down and do it. It hasn't helped that I've been having some very severe headaches. They just started up out-of-the-blue a few days ago. It feels like there's something behind my left eye that putting pressure on everything, especially the eye. I've also been feeling like my body is made of led or concrete. It's very difficult to move and even if I'm just sitting or laying it's like my insides are being crushed. Yeah, yeah, I know... I should call the doctor. I'm just so tired of dealing with them. It's all like, left/right, up/down, take this/don't take this, do this/don't do this. Blah, blah, blah. I'm going to have to do it anyway, though. I probably got a brain tumor or something stupid like that. And to top it all off my intestines are all knotted up like a rock.

Rejoining my initial thought, what are some of the things I wanted to write about? I can't remember. I keep waffling about writing something about the current "fun" happenings in the Middle East. What good would it do, though? I know I'd be pissing off someone (more like everyone) with my point-of-view, as always. I've come to find that if there's a polarized subject/issue/topic I can generally tweak off both sides to the point where they accuse me of being the other. For example, on the few occasions I enter a discussion about politics, I'll say the same thing to everyone yet all Republicans/Conservatives will call me a flaming Liberal while the Democrats/Liberals all lump me with the hard core Conservative. This is one way with which I can tell I'm on the right track. With this current thing in Lebanon I find that I have as strong of a dislike for the Israelis as I do for the Palestinians. Not the people in general, just those who are in power. The ones who are feeding the hate. And I'm none to thrilled with the Persians, either, as I think they have a good part in causing the current fighting. The biggest problem with this whole thing is that it's not about Nationalism or Religion or any of the other BS reasons both sides give. It's a blood feud. "We will kill them because they kill us!" It's like Ireland or the former Eastern Block countries. Kill them all, no matter what. The Israelis try to justify what they are doing in the name of protection and moral rightness as their claim to the pile of dirt is proper and can be proven. The Palestinians don't give a crap about any of that because the dirt is theirs by right. Period. Oh, they have all kinds of things they say but the bottom line is they don't care about any of that anymore. They just want to kill the other ones. Man, I wasn't going to go into all this stuff here. Oh well.

Lately I've found myself becoming very peeved about not being able to play guitar anymore. My hands and arms are so deteriorated it's impossible. Heck, I can't even hold one up anymore. I miss playing quite a bit. I was never what you'd call a Guitar God or anything. I could pluck a few tunes and lay down some blues. But playing, especially with the distortion cranked up and the volume as high as possible, was like a catharsis for me. It helped gets the melodies in my head out. I've tried playing the harmonica and that's quite fun, but no matter how I start I always end up in a blues riff. That's not a really bad thing, I like the blues. But it keeps the rest of the stuff locked in my head.

I did start writing a pseudo-fictional story just for fun. It's set in the late 70's or early 80's and centers around a guy who's trying to figure out what he's doing while spending most of his time doing nothing or getting stoned. Not quite autobiographical but, like they say in Hollywood - "Based on a true story." I'm not sure how it will turn out as the few times I have tried to write fiction ended up really bad. I do ok writing articles and interviews (for techie stuff) but free flowing ideas and words are a tad intimidating.

I've been putting off doing something that needs to be done. When I do it, there's going to be all kinds of hell to pay and I'm anticipating lots of pain and anguish. But it has to be done and I'm running out of time. I'll see if I can't get it started this week. $DEITY help me get through this.