Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Without a paddle

You know how sometimes you feel like your life is out of control? Like everything's happening to you and you have no say in the matter? Odds are, you probably have. But I can tell you that, while you may have felt that way, you weren't really as helpless as you thought. I know because, until now, I thought I'd experienced it myself. But now I'm truly living it and it's beyond anything I could ever imagined.

First, there's almost no overt stress to it. You simply get numb to everything. This crisis happens or that emergency comes up but, for you, it's just another case of reacting to daily events. Decisions get reduced to "or" choices.

- Pay the electric bill OR buy food
- Pay for Internet OR put gas in the car

What's on the agenda for today? Avoid collection agency calls, figure out how to make $1.15 last the rest of the month, call and see how Oma is doing, take son to Sober, try and find some kind of part-time job I can do until December, put off a boatload of other things because OVERLOAD!

Honestly, I was not made for this kind of reality.

And it's only going to get worse.