Life is really kickin' me in the teeth. I haven't heard anything from the guys in PA, though they are set to pay me through May. My financial situation has come to a head. With the severe loss of income going back as far as last September I have gotten myself in a really big hole. My checking account is perpetually in the red now and the money coming in isn't enough to get out. I know how it happened but I don't know how to get out. Due to income limitations enforced by OPM I will never be able to make more than $41K/yr gross. My disability annuity is just under $20K/yr gross. Now $61K doesn't sound to bad (though if I were healthy I could be earning around $100K). The problem is that this is the theoretical maximum I can earn. In reality, due to sick days and now 4 months of unemployment, my actual take-home pay is closer to $35K net. With the debts I have due to the whole "Year From HellTM" and the subsequent unemployment for two years (not to mention being homeless for one of those year) almost all of the money I get is sucked up really fast. Now I have bills that are two and three months late. Add to that a $10.8K credit card debt (again, thanks to the "Year From HellTM") and there's nothing left for anything other than rent. The thing that really burns me is that I can't just go out and get any old job. I can't even push burgers & fries. My disability is now to the point where I can't even cook dinner or load the dish washer or do laundry anything like that. I'm becoming a hermit, trapped in my home. If it weren't for my son I'd probably just waste my life away on some park bench.
It feels like I'm stuck in quicksand. I'm going down for the third time and there's no one at the lifeguard station.
If you're going to get out of debt, it's going to have to be similar (but in the opposite direction) to the way you got into debt in the first place: in tiny increments that don't seem like they'd make a dent. If you started chiselling away at your debt in tiny increments when you first noticed it was a problem, just think of where you'd be now.
ReplyDeleteOf course, changing your spending habits is also a good way to help out. I don't know if you've changed since I lived back east, but you always were a bit loose in your spending, especially when it came to computers. Books, hardware, software, etc. I'm sure major cuts could be made in that department.
And if you're spending lots of cash on mirroring Red Hat, for the love of God cease and desist. They don't need your mirror, nor do they care about it (that's just a guess, knowing what I know about the "inside" of Red Hat). Trust me, they'll survive without you, and IMHO they're totally not worth it.
I could go on about video games, electronics, smoking, etc., but I won't. Everyone has more money than they think they have. If you're serious about getting out of this mess, you'll find it.
If not, I guess you'll keep posting pictures of your bleeding noggin and continue your quest for sympathy. I guess everyone needs a hobby. :)
(Sympathy is worth every penny of its price tag: $0.00. At least that's my opinion.)
Seriously, you can do it, but it has to be done by you. Until you take ownership of this and make the painful financial cuts that I think you know you need to make, the problem isn't going to get any better. You have to start somewhere.
I have already started doing exactlly that. Cutting down on those $5 and $10 pings here and there has already made a little impact. And it's trye I am not the most thrifty person alive, but I try. The biggest problem for me is that I really don't function well in this world. I need some kind of buffer. I should post a more detailed commentary on this. Later.
ReplyDeleteWhen you think about it, who (except for those who were born into privilege) function well in this world? Sure, having mobility issues or some other disability makes life more difficult than it needs to be, but that's another story. The money that you said you're earning from various sources sounds like a livable amount to me. I never broke $30,000 a year when I lived back east, yet in the years leading up to my move I had a mortgage and an expensive car payment (stupid, I know), and I still managed to eat just fine, occasionally buy stuff for the 'puter, etc.
ReplyDeleteWas it a rich life? Could I get whatever I wanted whenever I wanted? Nope, not even close. I won't say I was thrilled with my financial situation, but life wasn't kicking me in the teeth.
I don't know what to tell you regarding your disabilties. In case you haven't been following my web site over the past year, I'll let you know that last October I was diagnosed with MS. So, I may be joining you with my own disabilities (add potential blindness to the list. Be happy you don't have to worry about losing your eyesight). Hopefully the disease won't knock me down, but you can't predict how MS will run its course. Until a cure is found, I'll continue to inject myself every week with nasty chemicals that make me sick and hope that a cure is found before it's too late to turn back.
I could curl up in a corner and give up on life, or complain about how unfair it is that I have this disease, or whatever, but instead I'm determined to make the best of it and not let it stop me from getting what I want out of life. It's not that hard to do. You just decide what you want and don't let the rest of the crap get in the way. If you focus on the disease, you're doomed.
At least that's my spin.
Hopefully you'll find a way out of the financial situation you're in. And hopefully you'll find a way to function in the world in a manner that accommodates your disabilties. It can't be easy, but kids do it every day so I'm sure you can too. :)
> those who were born
ReplyDelete> into privilege)
> function well in this world?
It's not so much the functioning part. It's the actual reality that I have trouble with. The whole "fish out of water" thing. Now, my family has always known this but recently I have had independent external verification of this. Both from a Psychiatrist and a Physiotherapist. I am not suited to function in this plane of the cosmos. At least not as well as those who are. I've been able to fake it for 42 years, though, so I should be able to keep things afloat for a while longer.
> The money that you said you're earning
> from various sources sounds like a
> livable amount to me. I never broke
> $30,000 a year when I lived back east,
> yet in the years leading up to my move I
> had a mortgage and an expensive car
> payment (stupid, I know), and I still
> managed to eat just fine, occasionally
> buy stuff for the 'puter, etc.
It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have the debt built up from the divorce and the extreme costs of lawyers. My problem isn't really one of income, though now with being unemployed I make less than $20K. The problem is cash-flow. I need to rain in the out flow so that the trickle of inflow can sustain us.
> In case you haven't been following my
> web site over the past year, I'll let
> you know that last October I was
> diagnosed with MS.
I remember something about that. Life can really suck bad sometimes.
> I could curl up in a corner and give up
> [...] I'm determined to make the best of
> it and not let it stop me from getting
> what I want out of life.
A very good goal. It's one that will keep you from the despair. But it's been nearly 12 years of constant, crushing pain on this end. After a while it wears you down. I pray that you don't have to live with this. You also have something that makes all the difference in the world in B. Going it alone is, well, doubleplusungood.
> If you focus on the disease, you're
> doomed.
See, that's the problem. Right now, at this very moment, while I'm typing this response, the single most prominent thing in my consciousness is the pain. It's stronger than my thoughts that are behind these words. Imagine that the moment you wake up there' a crushing pain. It's stays with you, getting heaver and more painful as the day goes on. By bed time you can hardly stand. Once a sleep your dreams are dominated by pain. The fatigue and weakness I can live with and likely work around. But the pain...