Monday, October 25, 2004

Good and bad all mixed up

Karma. The balancing of fate on a knifes edge. One little breeze and you're toast. That seems to be where I'm at right now. This weekend was both great and horrible at the same time. Often in the same moment. Right now I can't sleep. I woke up at 0200 Sunday morning and other than a few minutes dozing off on the couch I haven't gotten any sleep. Tomorrow is looking real bad but I have to figure out a way to get to work. But that's for later. Right now I have a small dilemma... I should be happy, or at least feeling a bit upbeat. But I'm sitting here feeling numb and lost. In two days I went on two dates. One a fresh, kinda-like blind date and the other with someone I knew last year who didn't seem to find me her type but who might have changed her mind. While I should be happy, I'm only scared. Not of the women (there's a psych book on that one), or the non-feelings inside of me but the feeling and, I'll go ahead and say it, strong desire to stop the pain and leave it to the gods or fate or Karma to sort it out when I'm gone. The glass is half empty and there really is no spoon.

I can't see straight and I keep node's off at the keyboard so I'm going to bed now. I'll try and get to the final GP race in Brazil. I also recorded the Farscape episod(s) today. Don't know when I get to watch either. 'Night.

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