Monday, August 02, 2004

Another sleepless night

I don't know why I can't get any sleep. Is there something on my mind that's bothering me? Some splinter in my subconscious that is just below the level of awareness? I'm not a shrink and even if I was I couldn't analyze myself anyway.

Maybe it's the new meds? This seems to have started around the same time. I don't think so, though.

I think it might be work. They are doing a reorganization and I'm not exactly positive that I'll survive it. Everyone keeps telling me I'll be ok but I've heard that before. My team leader wants to have a talk tomorrow (well, today, actually) and then have a sit-down with the new guy taking his place, with all three of us. Hopefully then I'll have a better picture.

But it also might be the situation with my ex and my son. He's supposed to spend the Summers with her during the week but he keeps wanting to stay here with me. Now, don't get me wrong, I want him here as much as possible. But we do have a court mandated custody agreement than is going to have to be amended if the physical custody is going to be changed. Additionally, I don't want him to not be with his mother. I do whish her situation would get a bit more stable someday. And I really didn't like that she had me tell him about her roommate/ex-girlfriend. But that's a long story I don't want to get into right now.

I'm also feeling a little guilty about not going to Tae Kwon Do. It's been over a year since I've gone regularly and he hasn't really been since slightly before summer started. It is something we both like to do and I know I could really use the exercise.

Maybe it's because I don't have a girlfriend. It would make a huge difference if I had a relationship. Not for the sex, I have a way around that (Hi Mari) but for the championship. I am much more solid when I have someone to be with and share with. Someone to help and be helped by. Someone to listen to my problems and to tell me hers. I know; blah, blah, blah... Poor me.

Still, would it be so bad if I got a few hours of sleep a night?

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