Ooo ooo feelin' good mamma,
They took my money like you knew they would mamma,
I wish I could remember the lyrics and artist of this song. I know I could Google for it but that would take away the fun.
The ambien is kicking in. I took a double dosage tonight. Probably not a wise (or smart) thing to do but, well, I haven't been stoned in forever. Not that I was a serious head or anything. The worst/best time was in the mid 80's. I'd get stoned but good with some friends. I'm talkin' "Help me find the fucking door!" stoned. It would be quite easy to find some weed, there's a few people I work(ed) with that would likely know of a source if they themselves weren't one. But I really haven't had an interest in getting wasted for many, many, many years. No desire plus having a kid equals no stoned. Represented mathematically as "!desire + kid = !stoned."
My son doesn't want to live with his mother right now. He's feeling the tension and animosity in the apartment and just doesn't want to be there. I understand this completely. My ex only has about a week and a half before physical custody shifts back to me when school starts. I honestly don't want to keep him from her but I think that it would be better for him if he stayed here while things are still going on over there. But that's her call. I've tried to see if I could get him to stay one night but he's dead set not to. And I'm not going to say no he can't stay here. Having him around is better for me than all the meds. Gives me that reason to get out of bed in the morning. I think that it would be better if he stayed here until she gets the situation resolved. There's only about a week and a half until he comes back to me for school. But I don't want him to not be with his mother. So far she has gotten into various kinds of predicament since she moved out in December 2000. All have been related to the current girlfriend she's with.
It seems she likes her women very butch. Not counting the half dozen (or more) one nighters, the ones she's been in some form of relationship with are definitely the "Manley" type. But I digress...
Anyway, my son can feel that there is something wrong and doesn't want to be around with it hanging over everything. He wants to stay here even though I don't have a gameboy or a playstation or his bike that she borrowed (that she still hasn't returned to me!!!) . We do have games and we rough house as best I can with my physical situation. We also watch a LOT of cartoons. Between the Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon there's enough for him to watch all day and night if I let him. Today his Grandma took him and his two cousin's out for a little bit then they came here and we all watched T3 together. Well, mostly. There were scenes that had talking in them so my son and my youngest niece, who is only two months older than him, would get fidgety and play with some of the toys lying around. When it came to the actual action, though, that was a different story.
After the movie Grandma took the girls home and my ex came to get our son. He was already saying how he didn't want to go, that he wanted to stay here. My nieces heard this and that are kinda wondering about it. Very shortly after they left my ex came to get him. At first he wasn't really wanting to go until he remembered his gameboy. Then he was off and running. But...
But then at about 2047 (that's 8:47pm for you nonmilitary types) the phone rang and it was him calling me in tears wanting to come back here. I tried to see if he couldn't try and stay since this is mommys time for him and that he'd be with me again in about a week and a half but that didn't matter to him. So here he is again. Sleeping away in his bed (something I should be doing, too).
My hope is that this whole episode with his mother doesn't "damaged" him in some way. But no matter what happen in the future he has as father who loves him more than anything in the entire universe. Period.
This weekend is hers and she's planning a beach trip for the two of them with her new "friend". I think he'll do a little better if he's at the beach. This kid is a real water baby. He can swim for hours and never wants to get out. Even when it's so cold he can't talk 'cause he's shivering so much and his lips are blue.
I think I might get the frelling DSL line working this weekend. It's kind of up right now in that you can go to http://www.webtrek.org and get the page. Sometimes. The big problem is that neither ssh nor telnet seem to work. How cab you get anything done without ssh and even telnet. No one can log in and if you can' login you can't get anything done. Unless you're sitting at the console. For me I manage systems the same way with remote access tools. There's no reason one should change the way they do things just because you're sitting next to (practically on top on) the system. I want to manage it the way I do the remote boxes. It works, so why change? But it seems that for Verizon (THEY SUCK!) as long as you can ping in and out then it's not their problem. I'll get a bunch of sniff traces and packet dumps and show them. The aggravating thing is that it all work fine a few weeks before. I was moving most of the things that the CoLo server was doing down here to the new box on the DSL line. I got quite a bit moved but there's a lot more to do. They better fix it this time or I'm canceling the service. And they better not pull that bull about a cancellation fee.
Well, that's all for now. I can hardly see and my fingers are starting to type random keys when I type.