Saturday, June 18, 2005

Tying up loose ends

Right now I want to update the situation WRT the ladies. The Together Dating just didn't pan out. I got so behind in January that I couldn't catch up. And if you don't send back the evaluation report from the date they take you off the active list. OC they have no problem continuing to bill me. The fine print is for me to continue to pay something like $68/mo for two or three years, regardless of whether I'm active or not. It all reminds me of the rant Leo Getz did about doctors in Lethal Weapon 3.

That leaves the situation with my Chinese lady friend. She wanted to try a more romantic relationship but it just didn't work out. I kept failing tests that I had no idea I was taking. I'm told that this is a very common experience for men. Example; she had a problem with her toilet. It would flush on it's own every so often. She called to ask what she should do. Well, I went through this with one of the bathrooms in the house we owned before the divorce. The solution was to have the inner guts replaced. See, I wasn't a handyman even before my hands stopped working right. If something breaks I call someone who is a professional at fixing said problem and all is well. I relayed this to her but she didn't want to call a plumber. Ok, fine. The next day I found out that this was a test. I was supposed to come over and help her when she called. How am I supposed to do that? I have a young boy in bed and I have to much pain to move in the first place. There was nothing I could have done in going over there but doing so would be a tremendous cost in energy and pain. This is why I didn't even offer. BZZZZZZZT, that was the wrong answer for this test. There were one or two more of these kind of tests that I also failed. So she decided that with all the things going on in her life with work and her daughter it wasn't a good time to get involved. And, due to my poor showing in the tests, she didn't feel that I was the right man for her. At first I wasn't all to happy about this, feeling that the fairness of the tests was a tad lacking. But after thinking about it some I came to realize that it wasn't going to work anyway. There were signs... The biggest one was that she would often call or email asking for advice on something that's happening in her life. I would give her some advice and try to point out as many different ways to go as I could. She would then just do whatever it was she had wanted to do even before she'd asked me. But the more fundamental problem was that she didn't understand the kind of pain I am in every moment of every day. Even if I thought of going over to look at her plumbing (no pun intended) the cost in pain and energy couldn't be overcome for that situation. Ergo, no go. We still keep contact and hopefully we can still get together on occasion as I do enjoy her company and her daughter is really cool. But we'll just have to see what comes of it.

And that's pretty much it. There's really no other options for me to pursue WRT women. There's always the chance of lightning striking but the odds against that are, as Spock might say, astronomical.


  1. Are you sure your lady friend was actually asking for advice (even if she flat out asked)?

    Men tend to want to fix things. When women approach men with problems, the first things out of the guys' mouths are usually suggestions on how to fix the problems. Often, women who do this are actually just trying to make a connection with someone who will sympathize with them. This isn't always the case, and I'll be ding damned if I can tell a "help me fix this" from a "lend me a sympathetic ear" issue, but it's something to think about.

    As for you not being the right guy for her... You've already figured this out I'm sure, but she may not be the right woman for you. You have needs that need to be taken care of just like she does. It's not always you being wrong for everyone else. The reverse can be just as true.

  2. Yes, I'm sure. I know the basics of the "Mars/Venus" thing.

    And it is true that she is also not quite the one for me. On paper she looked near ideal; Asian, Techie, has children... But we just weren't a match where it counts.

    My track record with women isn't isn't anything to write home about, though. Every longterm relationship I've been in has crashed and burned. I could be sabotaging myself, but that would be a topic for an entire post. Hmmm...